Germania Mania!
by ayumipants
Summary: All the other countries, they be gettin' some play. But not Germania, never Germania. Welcome to GERMANIA MANIA, where Germania gets all the men and ladies in a series of one shots. And we mean ALL the men and ladies, even Canada. Rated T for cocaine.
1. Chapter 1

America x Germania

America knocked on Germania's door.

Germainia opened it, expecting a brunette. He was disappointed.

Then they fucked like bros.

"That's how we greet each other in America," America America'd.

Then they danced.

Ancient Egypt x Germania

"You are a woman," said Germania.

"You aren't?" said Ancient Egypt.

Then they built some pyramids.

Ancient Greece x Germania

"I like naked men," said Ancient Greece.

"Well, I'm wearing pants."

"A problem we cannot solve."

Australia x Germania

"I never cared for geraniums," said Australia.

"Do those even grow in Australia?"  
>"Kangaroos do."<p>

"Well, I am a country not a flower."

Then they kissed. Germania bought Australia flowers on their first date.

Austria x Germania

"I am very stoic," said Austria.

"Me too."  
>"Let us throw a stoic party."<p>

"There will not be loud noises, correct?"

"No, you fool. I'll call Japan."


	2. Chapter 2

Bavaria x Germania

"So, I'm not in the show very much," Bavaria sighed.

"Me neither," Germania sympathized.

"Wanna be best friends?" Bavaria asked hopefully.

"No," said Germania. And then he left.

Belarus x Germania

"I have ten thousand dildos," said Belarus. "They are mostly strapons."

"Well you wont use them on me."

"But you are tied up right now."

"Damn."

Belgium x Germania

"I have a face like a cat!" squeaked Belgium. "Do you like cats?"

"I like... turtles."

And then Germania punched her.

Botswana x Germania

"Are you even in this show?" Germania asked.

Bulgaria x Germania

"Do you know Botswana?" Germania asked.

"Eh," said Bulgaria.

Cameroon x Germania

"I like to play soccer," said Cameroon.

"I know another game we can play with balls."

Canada x Germania

"Oh, hey Botswana," said Germania. "When did you get a bear?"

"No... I-I'm Canada..."

"Did I hear that right? America? Since when do you look like Botswana?"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Germania Mania! So much mania, in such a small form!

* * *

><p><span>China x Germania<span>

"I am a teapot. Would you like some tea, aru?"

"I only drink meat. Sorry."

Cuba x Germania

"I like your dreadlocks," said Germania, running his hands through Cuba's dreadlocks.

"I like your ass," said Cuba, to Germania's ass.

"Who doesn't like my ass?"

Then they ate some ice cream. Yum!

Cyprus x Germania

"What? Who is this?" asked Germania. "Are you a font? I only use Helvetica."

"Are you a hipster?"

"Are you a douchebag?"

Denmark x Germania

"Hello!" said Denmark, looking out his window into the street.

Germania was nowhere to be found.

Egypt x Germania

"I knew your mom. She was a fine an upstanding woman, we built pyramids together," said Germania.

"I know she was a whore."

England x Germania

"Are you an elf?" asked England, in whimsical joy. "Oh, how my faerie friends will adore you! Come home with me, you fair elven creature!"

"You. Are a pussy."

"And you are a cad!" said England, throwing his tea into Germania's eyes.

Estonia x Germania

"There are some interesting drawings of you on the Internet," said Estonia, hiding his erection behind his laptop.

"What is the Internet?"

Then they fucked.


	4. A Very Germania Christmas!

A/N: Merry Christmas!

* * *

><p><span>Finland x Germania<span>

"Want to come sit on my lap, little boy?" asked Germania.

"That's not what Santa Claus does!" objected Finland.

"Have you been a naughty boy?"

"NO!" said Finland. And then they boned.

France x Germania

France wants to stuff Germania's stocking... With his PENIS.

And he did.

It has been done.

Now it is canon.

Fritz x Germania

"Well this is awkward," said Germania, to the corpse of Fritz. "If you were still alive, and if I were a few hundred years younger, this would be a very merry Christmas."

Prussia wept.

General Winter x Germania

"Hello General Winter! Today it is your season! And what a very merry season it is!" slurred Germania. "Have some eggnog!"

We don't really know much about General Winter. He's scary though. And they probably wouldn't have very good sex. General Winter is probably... _frigid_! HaHAHAHAhaha.

Germania x Germania

Today, it is Christmas on Mount Doom. All of the orcs were singing carols of tiding and good cheer. It was the most horrid racket, but their hearts were in the right place. If they had a heart, that is. Fair haired Legolas was lamenting that he had to spend Christmas alone in this horrid place. It was far too hot for any sort of civilized Christmas, and he was very worried that his hair would frizz- because that is what elves worry about most.

"Oh woe is me!" lamented Legolas, throwing himself across the stone floor, not caring if the orcs heard his cry. "What good is it to have friends if they don't even join you on Mount Doom for Christmas time! I have half a mind to call up Frodo and box him between the ears!"

"But hark!" said Legolas, spotting a form moving towards him o'er the rocks. "Could that be... Arwen? Coming to give me some... _Christmas Cheer?_ (At this point, I would even settle for Aragorn.)"

"NO! It is I, Germania! I am not even from this fandom! I am from Hetalia! And I will make you MY BITCH."

Legolas started, and took in the blonde, hunky, piece of white-chocolate man fudge, that loomed o'er him. This creature was breathtaking! It might not be so bad to be his bitch.

"But why do want me to be your bitch? You are blonde and hunky, and _I_ am also blonde and hunky. We look awfully similar. In fact, if an author were to write a fanfiction about us, they might get confused and write that _you _were in love with _yourself_!"

"Ahhhh," sighed Germania, contently. "Germania x Germania, that is the purest form of narcissism."

Then they did it.

As Legolas began to drift to sleep in Germania's arms, he thought to himself, "My, Germania was the best Christmas present ever."

The End.

Germany x Germania

"Aren't you my dad?"

And then Germania pulled his pants back up.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, SON."

Ghana x Germania

"Christmas in Ghana begins the cocoa harvesting season," suggested Ghana. "Let me harvest YOUR cocoa beans..."

"... I don't know you very well."

"Here, have a candy cane!"

"Is the candy cane your penis?" asked Germania.

"Heavens no!" cried Ghana.

"Okay then. Thank you."

* * *

><p>AN: It's not actually Christmas. It's July. Get a fucking calendar.


	5. Chapter 5

Golden Horde x Germania

"Who are you?" asked Germania. "You are not Bavaria."

"I am the Golden Horde," said... Golden Horde.

"You are neither golden nor a horde."

"I can be anything you want," said Golden Horde.

"Can you be Bavaria?"

END?

Greece x Germania

[Germania]  
>Summer lovin' had me a blast<p>

[Greece]  
>Summer lovin' happened so fast<p>

[Germania]  
>I met a boy crazy for me<p>

[Greece]  
>Met a boy cute like kitties<p>

[Both]  
>Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights<p>

[Everyone]  
>Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh<p>

[Germania's Friends]  
>Tell me more, tell me more<p>

[Grandpa Rome]  
>Did you get very far?<p>

[Greece's Friends]  
>Tell me more, tell me more<p>

[Japan]  
>Did you have a nice nap?<p>

[Everyone]  
>Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh<p>

[Germania]  
>He was napping, I took a peek<p>

[Greece]  
>We had sloppy sex in my sleep<p>

[Germania]

He woke up, covered in semen

[Greece]  
>It was sticky, I took a shower<p>

[Both]  
>Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those summer nights<p>

[Everyone]  
>Uh well-a well-a well-a huh<p>

[Greece's Friends]  
>Tell me more, tell me more<p>

[Turkey]  
>Was it love at first sight?<p>

[Germania's Friends]  
>Tell me more, tell me more<p>

[Teutonic Knights]  
>Did she put up a fight?<p>

(No. He was sleeping)

[Everyone]  
>Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh<p>

[Germania]  
>Took him driving in the kitten mobile<p>

[Greece]  
>We went driving, it was quite the ordeal<p>

[Germania]  
>We made out under the dock<p>

[Greece]  
>To thank him, I touched his cock<p>

[Both]  
>Summer fling, don't mean a thing, but uh-oh those kitty-kat thighs<p>

[Everyone]  
>Uh well-a well-a well-a huh<p>

[Germania's Friends]  
>Tell me more, tell me more<p>

[GILLLLBIIIRRDD]  
>But you don't gotta brag<p>

[Greece's Friends]  
>Tell me more, tell me more<p>

[Egypt]  
>Cos he sounds like a fag<p>

[Everyone]  
>shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop,shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, YEH<p>

[Greece]  
>He got friendly, petting my cat<p>

[Germania]  
>His cat got friendly, I didn't like that<p>

[Greece]  
>He was neat, I really like cats<p>

[Germania]  
>Well he was weird if you know what I mean<p>

[Everyone]  
>Woah!<p>

[Both]  
>Summer heat, kitty-cats bleet, but uh-oh those summer nights<p>

[Everyone]  
>woo, woo, woo<p>

[Greece's Friends]  
>Tell me more, tell me more<p>

[ Japan]  
>How much yen did he spend?<p>

[Germania's Friends]  
>Tell me more, tell me more<p>

[Austria]  
>Could she get me a friend?<p>

[Greece]  
>It turned colder – so I went to sleep<p>

[Germania]  
>So I helped him count on some sheep<p>

[Greece]  
>Then we made a kitty-cat house<p>

[Germania]  
>I thought he was the cat's meow<p>

[Both]  
>Summer dreams ripped at the seams,<br>bu-ut oh, those su-ummer naps...

Holy Roman Empire x Germania

The house was quieter now. There was no longer the pitter-patter of little feet. Though Austria had taken the Empire from Germania some time ago, he did not think the separation was permanent.

He would have won him back, saved him from his fate. The Holy Roman Empire had been too young to go to war. Germania hoped that the pretty Italy girl had changed HRE for the better, but it only made him more foolhardy. Why is it that little boys must prove themselves to little girls?

Germania stayed strong, and went about his days. But every so often, he would succumb to the pain of the loss of his favorite child and remember. Remember what he was doing on that day; remember when that bastard France told him the news. But most of all, he remembered how life would never be the same.

When these days would come, he would excuse himself to his bedroom, open his left drawer, and remove a tattered blue cape. It was only then that he could hear the pitter-patter of little feet.

But it was only the sound of his tears.

~~~~~~::::ALTERNATE FANFICTION::::~~~~~

"Wait, aren't you dead?" said Germania.

Then he pulled up his pants.


	6. Chapter 6

Hong Kong x Germania

"What does Hong Kong do?" asked Germania.

"Anything you want, baby," said Hong Kong, from the bed.

"Can we watch my soaps?"

"Not that," said Hong Kong.

Hungary x Germania

"Is it true what they say about you and Rome?" asked Hungary, with a case of the vapors.

"Yes," said Germaina.

"Is there anyone else involved in your hot hot yaois?" said Hungry, like a cat in heat.

"Yes, literally every single person you and I both know."

"Even Austria?" asked Hungary, like a woman in a church service.

"Especially Austria."

"Even me?" asked Hungary, like a teenage boy who popped a boner.

"Take your top off."

Iceland x Germania

"Are you into puffins?" asked Iceland.

"ARE YOU INTO MEAT?"

Japan x Germania

"Herro," said Japan. "Do you rike resbian rrama rava ramps?"

"Do you have a speech impediment?"

"No, I can talk normally."

And then they had sex in the light of the lava lamps.

Jeanne D'Arc x Germania

"Hey Jeanne, I heard you like it hot!" said a spicy Germania.

"That's inappropriate."

Kenya x Germania

"Hey Germania, can I borrow your sausage grinder?"

"I dunno, KEN YA?"

"That's inappropriate."

Kumajiro x Germania

"Polar bears are the manliest of bears!" said Germania. "You live in the snow, you eat cute animals, you ride on glaciers..."

"Are we going to fuck or what?" asked Kumajiro. "I have places to go, people to see, Canadas to forget..."

"LETS DO IT."

Latvia x Germania

"How old are you?" Germania asked.

"Old enough."

Lichtenstein x Germania

"Don't tell your brother," whispered Germania.


	7. Chapter 7

Lithuania X Germania

Lithuania isn't funny and they just had tea. Boo.

Luxemburg X Germania

"What gender am I?" asked Luxembourg.

"Let's check, shall we?" suggested Germania. "Wow, I've never seen that before!

Macau X Germania

"Are you a parrot?" Germania asked the country who was clearly not a parrot.

"No," said Macau.

"Boo," said Germania.

Maria Theresa X Germania

"Shhhh," whispered Germania, "only dreams now."

"Muhhh," said Maria Theresa.

Mexico X Germania

"I'm a really popular spring break location," bragged Mexico.

"I'm really good at wet t-shirt contests. Coincidence? I think not!"

Moldova X Germania

"Where the fuck is Moldova?" Germania wondered aloud.

"In bed with your mom!" said Moldova from Germania's mother's bed.

Monaco X Germania

"You're an OC!" Germania judged, "GO HOME!"

"You go home!" shouted Monaco.

Germania was shocked!

Mongolia X Germania

"I like your food. I'll eat it off your naked body."

"That sounds messy," said Mongolia.

N. Italy X Germania 

"Pasta~!" sang Italy.

"I think you meant penis," Germania replied.

"Dad! Stop!" said Germany.

Netherlands X Germania

"Netherlands," said Germania, "More like Nether-LOINS!"

"As opposed to your northern loins," Netherlands, a notorious bitch, retorted.

Germania realised the error of his pun. As you should, Germania.

New Zealand X Germania

"I hear people who STUDY ABROAD in New Zealand think they're really cool," said Germania.

"They're not," said New Zealand

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Norway X Germania

"Norway? More like NO-WAY...wait…"

"No," said Norway, "you're right."

"Damn," said Germania.

"YOU DIDN'T COME WHEN I CALLED FOR YOU!" yelled Denmark.

"This is not your chapter," replied Norway.

Osaka X Germania

"You're not a country."

"You're not my dad."

"Quite, right."

Then they boned.


	8. Chapter 8

Picardy x Germania

Why is this even a character? We cannot write a fanfiction for this. This is dumb and we hate this, we had to GOOGLE WHERE THIS WAS. If we have to Google it, we don't write about it. Canon.

Poland x Germania

"Poland, what do you do?" asked Germania.

Poland is a horse, and cannot respond. Canon.

"I'm into that," said Germania.

They rode off into the sunset. If you know what I mean.

Portugal x Germania

"You're like Spain's hat, right?" asked Germania.

"No, I'm actually on the side of Spain."

"Can I still wear you?" asked Germania.

"Only if you can fit!"

"I'm not going to lie to you, I'm not that big."

Canon.

* * *

><p>AN: CANON IS THE THEME OF THIS CHAPTER. IF YOU HADN'T NOTICED. TAKE NOTES. IF YOU DARE.

* * *

><p><span>Prussia x Germania<span>

"Yo daddykins," double pistol'd and a wink'd Prussia. "What's poppin'?"

"My penis."

"Oh, you got some man yogurt on your pants."

"Already?" sighed Germania. And then he pulled up his pants. CANON.

Romania x Germania

"Romania?" asked Germania. "Haven't they already written about you?"

"I find this hard to believe, considering the alphabetical placement of my name in the country list of Hetalia characters."

"We are breaking the fourth wall far too much in this story," replied Germania. "Let us fuck."

"This wouldn't be canon, would it?"

"It would."

(Canon).

Russia x Germania

"So here's my premise for the story," one of our interns began. "So Germania is this meat god, right? And Russia likes sunflowers? And Germania has like, god powers since he's the meat god or whatever. So what if one day, he gazes down from heaven, and sees this vision of beauty in a winter coat... Who is of course, Russia. And he wants to express the attraction and love he feels for this vodka-drinking vixen, so he uses his god powers to create sunflowers and have them grow all over the world. But Russia is not one to be easily won, he needs to hold out for the good stuff. So when it starts raining vodka, he knows whats up. Germania has won his heart. So Russia is so happy that he like, burns a steak or something to please the meat god, Germania. Or maybe a whole cow, I dunno, we can decide that later. And it's such a great offering that he like, swoons and falls right out of heaven. Then they like kiss and stuff and like, do the full yaois."

"Why didn't Germania just come down in the first place?" asked our janitor.

"They don't pay you to critique me!"

"We don't pay you at all!" said ayumipants and co. to the intern.

Canon.

Romano x Germania 

"Bueno tomato," said Romano.

"Boner tomato," replied Germania.

"I've never thought of that!" said the fandom. "Boner tomato? That's so funny!"

They were too delighted by the silly pun to notice Germania and Romano boning, therefore sinking one of the most popular ships in Hetalia. Canon.

Saxony x Germania

"Dude, you're already part of me, I can't DO you," cried Germania.

"It's just like masturbation, you do that all the time."

CANON.

Scotland x Germania 

"Is this the best country, or is this the best country," cried Scotland, pointing at his crotch. "I wear tartan, I drink IRN BRU, I eat kababs, I'm drunk 95% of the time? Fit like? Are you startin' mate?"

Germania stroked Scotland's rugged and sexual face. Oh how his ginger beard tickled his hand. "Yes," breathed Germania. "I most definately am."

And then they pulled.

CANNNOOONNNN


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Load up your playlists for "Closing Time," by Semisonic. If you think this is another song parody full of wit and charm, boy will you ever be wrong.

* * *

><p><span>Sealand x Germania<span>

"What's the age of consent in your country?" asked Germania. To Sealand.

"You must be older than the goat," replied Sealand.

"Are you older than the goat?"

"Oh yes," said Sealand, taking off his pants.

What a good fic.

Seborga x Germania

"You sound like a bad OC," said Germania.

"I assure you, I am not," said Seborga.

"Can you find yourself on a map? If you can, we will have...relations..."

"Of the sexual kind?"

"Yes," said Germania.

Alas, it was not to be. How sad. Germania left.

Seychelles x Germania

"Are you just into men?" asked Seychelles.

"Naw, sugah-huneh-angel-cakes. I'm into errybody," replied Germania.

He ain't lyin' ya'll. It's _Germania Mania_.

Shinatty-Chan x Germania

"Doki doki, my watashi kokoro is kawaii for anata," weebed Shinatty.

"Aren't you Chinese?" asked Germania.

"You baka gaijin!" yelled Shinatty. "My ochinchin will not ikimasu into anata your oshiri."

"Be quiet, man-cat."

Greece wept.

South Korea x Germania

"Doki doki, my watashi kokoro is kawaii for anata," weebed South Korea.

"Oh my sweet Moses, shut the hell up," said Germania.

"I GOT WITH EVERYONE FIRST," said South Korea. "South Korea-ria. So much South Korea, in such a small form!"

"What, no."

"Wow North Korea, we look awfully similar. In fact, if an author were to write a fanfiction about us, they might get confused and write that _you _were in love with _yourself."_

"No, stop this."

"Ahhhh," sighed South Korea, contently. "Korea x Korea, that is the purest form of narcissism."

"That is not narcissism you are two different countries."

SEQUEL?

No.

Spain x Germania

"I love you," said Germania.

"I love... tomatoes. And children. And churros."

"I can give you all that, and more."

"Well, you have already given me a boner," said Spain, thrusting out his hips.

"That was the plan all along," said Germania, eying Spain's erection, "to give you a boner."

Then they boned and tomatoed.

Sweden x Germania

Sweden time  
>Open all the Swedes and let Sweden out into the world<br>Sweden time  
>Turn all off all the Swedes over Sweden and Sweden again<p>

Sweden time  
>One last call for Sweden so finish your Sweden or Swedes<br>Sweden time  
>You don't have to go to Sweden but you can't stay in Sweden<p>

Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?  
>Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?<br>Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?  
>Take me to Sweden<p>

Sweden time  
>Time for you to go out to the Swedens you will be from<br>Sweden time  
>Sweden won't be open till Germania makes you cum<p>

So gather up your Swedens, move it to the Swedens  
>I hope you have found Germania<br>Sweden time  
>Every new Sweden comes from some Germania's end, yeah<p>

Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?  
>Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?<br>Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?  
>Take me to Sweden<p>

Sweden time  
>Time for you to go out to the Swedens you will be from<p>

Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?  
>Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?<br>Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?  
>Take me to Sweden<p>

Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?  
>Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?<br>Germania, won't you take me home to Sweden?  
>Take me to Sweden<p>

Sweden time  
>Every new Sweden comes from some Germania's end, yeah<p>

Sweden was not impressed by Germania's nonsensical singing, reminded him that he was a married man, and left the bar.

Impressed by Germania's karaoke skills, however, South Korea offered up his body instead. Germania left the bar.

Switzerland x Germania

"Don't tell your sister," whispered Germania.

"Guys," said Lichtenstein. "I'm right here. Guys, stop. Oh dear. I'm going to... call Hungary."

Taiwan x Germania

"I like bubble tea," said Taiwan. "It's my kink."

"How is that a kink?" asked Germania.

"Why don't we find out?"

It was surprisingly PG.

Thailand x Germania

"Cook me something hot," said Germania. "Really hot. If you know what I mean."

"Like my body?"

"OM NOM NOM," said Germania.

"Oh my!" said Thailand.

Was he eating him or kissing him? No one will ever know.


	10. Chapter 10

Tibet x Germania

"I heard you're into bondage!" said Germania. "At that's what China told me."

"Holy hell that is inappropriate," said Tibet. "Check your privilege."

"You didn't deny it!"

* * *

><p>"I'm pretty sure that character was a monk," said the intern.<p>

"Well you should have done your damn research before writing this story," said Ayumipants and co.

You tell 'em, Ayumipants.

* * *

><p><span>Tonga x Germania<span>

"Tonga," said Germania. "Put your tounge-a somewhere nice."

Thats it. The fic.

Tony x Germania

"Tony! You're an alien!" asked Germania.

"Yes."

"Probe me, baby," cried Germania.

TRNC x Germania

"TRNC?" said Germania. "Like the Total Republic of North Carolina?"

"Yes," said America.

"No! I'm the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus?"

Then they kiss or something? We don't know.

Turkey x Germania

"I think I'm _Hungary_ for some _Turkey_," said Germania, waggling his eyebrows.

"I hate you," replied Turkey.

"Why so... _Chile_? GUFFAW."

Uganda x Germania

They paired up on an online dating site, went on a reasonable amount of dates, and finally shared a night of passion. Nothin' to see here folks.

Ukraine x Germania

"Hey titanium tits!" said Germania. "Come over here so I can get a close-up look at your knockers!"

"You're a crass fool, Germania," said Ukraine, as she walked away. Ukraine don't take no sass.

Vietnam x Germania

"Never forget," said Vietnam.

"Forget what?" asked Germania.

"Our anniversary!" cried a shocked Vietnam.

Wy x Germania

"Why, you're prettier than any kangaroo I ever saw," said Germania.

"Well, you obviously haven't seen very many kangaroos," said Wy, as she stormed off.

No lovin' tonight. Poor Germania.

Zimbabwe x Germania

"All the other countries, they be gettin' some play. But not you, Zimbabwe, never you Zimbabwe," said Germania.

Zimbabwe looked up from his book.

"Well I don't know if you're aware of this," said Germania. "But this is Germania Mania!"

"That sounds like so much mania, in such a small form," said Zimbabwe.

"It is!" said Germania. "I get with all the men and ladies."

"Even Canada?"

"Even Canada," said Germania. "And now it's your turn Zimbabwe. You've waited a long time for this, a whole year in fact! But now it's time for me to say hello to your genitals."

Zimbabwe gladly removed his pants.

"Hello there!" said Germania. "It was well worth the wait."

* * *

><p>AN: There's an Epilogue a'comin', so hold on to your hats.


	11. Epilogue

A/N: Oh, there's also these "Parallel Nation" things we skipped. Go look at them, they're in the fanfiction character list, we swear.

* * *

><p><span>Parallel America x Germania<span>

"What's wrong with you, America!" Germania shrieked with the volume of a thousand banshees. "Why are you parallel? How are you parallel? Are you against freedom? Are you a vegetarian? Are you against meat? NOT MEAT! WHY DO YOU FORSAKE YOUR LORD!"

Parallel France 23 x Germania

"What-What are you?" cried a desperate Germania. "Why are you number 23? Are there 22 more of you? Are you like Lilo and Stitch with all the random experiments? Are you number 23 of the original 150 Pokemon? Why are most of your fanfictions in Indonesian or Spanish? I don't understand!"

Germania looked to the sky, hiding his tears in the pouring rain.

Parallel Nations x Germania

"Have you forgotten your true roots?" Germania wept. "Have you forgotten who you really are? We've all kissed, we've touched, we've loved. Look into yourselves, find who you truly are! Come back to me, my fallen lovers, what has become of you?"

Parallel Spain x Germania

"Do you hate tomatoes now or something?" Germania scolded. "And do you like old people now? What even is this? Stop, go home. Get your butt back to Barcelona. Does Belgium know about this? Does Romano? No. I don't think so."

Parallel Spain shook his head.

"Go on," said Germania. "Get."

Parallel Spain got.

* * *

><p><strong>~*~*~SUPER SPECIAL UNLOCKABLE BONUS EPILOGUE~*~*~ <strong>

**WITH AYUMIPANTS AND CO.**

"So, are we proud of our work?" said Ayumipants.

"When aren't we proud of our work?" said the co.

"And are we not proud of our intern?"

"Hey," said the intern.

"You told us you were a good problem solver in the interview, and you just weren't," said the co. "We are disappointed."

"I hope you wow us with your final project," said Ayumipants.

"Oh, I will," cackled the intern, steeple-ing their fingers. "Just you wait..."

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks for reading! It was a pleasure to be writing for all ya'll bitches and hos out there for a whole year! If you care to stick around, our intern will be presenting their final project. You might not want to, our intern is not a very good Hetalia storyteller. They're very good at _trolling_. Anyway, thank you for your time, and have a very Germania Christmas.


	12. Intern's Final Project

INTERN'S FINAL PROJECT: WARNING, HOMESTUCKS

* * *

><p><span>John x Germania<span>

"Zillyhoo! Zilly-you!" said Germania.

"What," said John.

And they did not bone because John is not a homosexual.

Karkat x John

"All the other characters, they be gettin' some play. But not you, Karkat, never you Karkat," said John.

Karkat looked up from his shipping chart.

"Well I don't know if you're aware of this," said John. "But this is Egbert Explosion!"

"That sounds retarded," shouted Karkat.

"It is!" said John. "I get with all the men and ladies."

"Even Eridan?"

"Not Eridan," said John. "And now it's your turn Karkat. You've waited a long time for this, a whole three years in fact! But now it's time for me to say hello to your genitals."

Karkat did not remove his pants.

"C'mon little buddy," said John. "It was well worth the wait."

ENDDD?*&()

WHAT BITCH WHAT SUCCCK IT HOMESTUCK!

* * *

><p>The intern was slapped in the face, fired, and taught proper fandom etiquette. Never to be heard from again.<p> 


	13. One-Shot Wad

A/N: Hello and welcome to the fantastic one year anniversary of the best fanfiction you have ever read. Germania Mania: The Fic That Will Never Die. 20 Points to anyone who gets any of these lines tattooed on their ass. The song parody is of a little jaunty called Broken by Lifehouse. Load it up. Weep. Achieve Nirvana.

* * *

><p><span>Germania x (Grandpa) Rome<span>

The sundial is great comfort

Unless it is at night

For there are no shadows

For me to tell the time

But I will be here waiting

For my one true love

And now my power's waning

You're really all I have

I'm falling apart

My empire's crumbling

Not the Colosseum

It's still standing

In your bed

There is meaning

On your head

There is weaving

So I'm brushin' out

I'm brushin' out

I'm brushin' out

I'm brushin' out your hair

The golden locks were a warning

You got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded

But I opened my legs instead

I'm falling apart

My empire's crumbling

Not the Colosseum

It's still standing

In your bed (in your bed)

There is meaning

On your head (on your head)

There is weaving

So I'm brushin' out (I'm still brushin')

I'm brushin' out (I'm still brushin')

I'm brushin' out (I'm still brushin')

I'm brushin' out your hair

I'm suckin' on another dick

Just to taste your sauerkraut

And I'm banging on your dick today

And when I'm done cum will spray

THE END THAT'S THE FIC THAT IS THE BEST LINE IN THE FIC SORRY IF YOU WANTED THE REST OF THE SONG WE DESERVE A TROPHY FOR THAT SHIT WE DESERVE A FUCKING OSCAR, NO A TONY. A TONY FOR GERMANIA MANIA.


End file.
